The phone rang insistently, waking me from my deep slumber. I wanted to sleep in longer for it was a weekend for I had a long late Saturday night with my friends. I put out my hand to pick up the very irritating call, telling myself that I am going to shout and scold the caller for disturbing me on Sunday.

I answered the call and before I could shout at the caller a young firm voice over the phone introduce herself to me, claiming that she was calling from the sheltered home for the homeless. She needs me to come over to collect my baby infant for the mother of the child was dying. I told the caller that she got the wrong number. She repeated my handphone number, my home address, said my full name and my date birth. The next sentence had my breath dangling in my chest. It was Amy’s name, my nemesis, my long-time lover and partner, who ditched me to marry an old sugar daddy.

My heart was pounding loudly and I hang up the call immediately, without replying to the caller. A few seconds, my phone rang again. I refused to answer the call but the caller was persistent and as stubborn as me. After the fourth time, I answered the call with an angry voice. There was a silent over the other end and I could hear shallow breathing as if someone was trying to get the energy to speak. I was silent, waiting for the person to talk. Finally after five minutes, I heard Amy’s voice. “Rohan. This is Amy”. There was a pause, followed by shallow laboured breathing. “Roo…han…. can you please come and visit me. I need to see you, please.” All these words were said with lots of pauses in between them and with laboured breathing. Silent follows suit. In the background, I could hear the cry of a baby.

I was lost for words. The young firm voice came to the phone and told me that the patient has lost consciousness. She gives me the address to the sheltered home and told me to come and not to waste precious time for the time was limit for the young lady. With this, the phone went dead on me. By now, I was so numbed and could hardly move from my spot. What was happening? My baby…. can’t be. Yes. Amy was my lover no doubt and both of us were always careful whenever we were intimate. “Where did the child come from, I asked myself and how can the baby be mine?” Shaking myself to reality, I quickly scribbled down the address on the envelope, which was on the bedside table.

My sleep vanished and I kept hearing Amy’s labored voice in my ears. I was so lost in my own deep thoughts and flashes of Amy breaking up with me came right before my eyes. It was Dad who had told me that Amy had found someone else, more influential than me and was going to marry him. Dad was always against my relationship with Amy and hated her for her family background. It was me, who defied dad and moved out. I even bought an apartment with Amy and started living with her. We both were so much in love and she was my real soul mate. She understood all my needs, my moods and was good at sporting if something was wrong with me.

I remembered dad calling me one day and insisted on meeting me. He told me he had proof to show that Amy was two-timing me behind my back. Like a stupid fool, I met dad during lunchtime and his personal secretary showed me the photos of Amy with an unknown old man. In all the photographs, Amy was sitting close to the old man, with her head down. Dad also told me that Amy was marrying the old man in a couple of days and will be leaving my house soon. He also told me to come to my senses and move back home. I refused to believe to whatever dad was telling. I was angry and shouted Dad and told him he was a cunning old man, full with all types of schemes to destroy his own son happiness. Dad sat in the chair listening to me ranting away, with a smirked on his face. I really felt like punching his face but I held my anger back.

I took a few deep breaths, knowing this old man like to see me flare up. I calmly stood up, clenching my teeth, picked up my coat and quickly turned my back to my dad and left. While I was walking away, I heard his sinister laughter. I went back to my office and tried calling Amy. There was no answer from her despite me calling her many times. My irritation and anger was rising. I decided to leave the office and told my secretary that I will be gone for the day and take down my messages for me.

I drove home as fast as I can. I needed to clarify things with Amy regarding the photos and need an explanation from her. When I reached home, Amy was packing her things. Her eyes were red and swollen with tears streaming down her face and her hands were trembling. She refused to look at me or answer any of my questions. I started kicking and banging things around the house and the more I flare up in my anger, the more she trembled in fear and withdrew back. After packing up whatever was hers, she told me in a very timid voice that whatever that is left behind is what I had bought for her and she does not want those expensive things. She told me I could either sell those things or give it away to the Salvation Amy.

With her back still towards me, she told me that whatever happened today was my dad’s fault and she could no longer put my future in jeopardy. It was best for her to leave me and she begged me not to ask any questions for she wants to leave with beautiful memories of me with her. She thanked me for giving her unconditional love and giving her reason to live now. With these words, she quietly closed the door behind her and left me, just like this. That was the last I have seen of Amy. She vanished into thin air. I could not find her anywhere. It was as if I have not met her and nor was she ever in my life or in my heart.

The ringing of my hand phone brought me back to my senses again. It was James, who asked to play tennis with him but I gently turned him down by giving him an excuse that I was busy preparing for a meeting on Monday. I was half hearted, to see Amy or not to see her but the news of the baby was troubling me. With the news of the baby on my mind, I made up my mind to see Amy. I wanted to see for myself how much she has suffered after making me so miserable and spoiling me for any other women. With Amy leaving me, I lost interest in all other women and my relationship with my old man deteriorated further. To make my old man angry, I rebelled further and defied him by turning down all marriage proposals that he recommended. If I was miserable, I wanted to see for myself how miserable Amy was. With theses thoughts in my mind, I drove to the sheltered home for the homeless.

When I reached my destination after two hours of drive, I wonder how did Amy end up in the home for the homeless. Where was her old husband and why did he leave her here all alone by herself? How long has she been staying in this torn down place?” There were lots of questions in my mind and I needed answers to all my questions.

I looked at the surrounding. Though it was big, it was run down and needed lots of repairing. Shaking my head, I walked up the stone steps and press the doorbell. The door opened automatically after I spoke into speaker and identify myself and mentioned Amy’s name as well. A nurse in cream uniform came forward to receive me. After introducing herself to me, she brought me into her office. She wanted to have few words with me but I told her I was not prepared and wanted to see Amy immediately. Shaking her head, she stood up and asked me to follow her. After walking in a maze, she finally brought me to Amy’s room. The door was closed and upon knocking it, she opened the door and told me to wait outside.

When the door opened next, she gestured me to come in and quietly closed the door behind me and left. Amy was lying on the small bed and beside her was a baby cot. I could hardly recognise her. Her beauty has faded and she was more of a skeleton. This was not the bubbly lively Amy that I knew. I stood near the door, frozen. I felt like crying and the urge to hug her was so strong but I held back my emotions, waiting for Amy to say something. Amy was looking at me so intensely, with tears in her eyes. She lifted her arm with much effort she could muster and beckoned me to come forward. I stood near the door, refused to move an inch. After a few seconds, Amy raised her head and said, “Rohan, please.” It sounded more like a plea to my ears. My strong emotions for Amy overcome me and I rushed over to engulf her gently in my strong arms. Amy hugged me tightly, sobbing silently into my shoulder, wetting my shirt with her tears. I kept rubbing her back gently and soothing her down with whatever terms of endearment that came to my mind. I could never erase Amy from my mind. No matter how much pain I was in, she was always there in the corner of my bruised heart.

After ten minutes or more, Amy became quiet but did not let go of me. I then realised that Amy was sleeping in my arms, exhausted from her crying. I laid her down gently on the bed and move over to the baby cot. The infant was asleep oblivious to the noise around the surrounding. I finally returned to the main office after losing my way a few times. I saw the same nurse and told her that Amy was sleeping and I want to know about Amy’s condition as much I can. The nurse told me that Amy had been with them for the past one and a half year. Someone had left her here and had driven off in a hurry before the matron of the house could get any information.

She further revealed that Amy had been very reserved when she arrived here and was already two months pregnant by then. When I saw Amy’s date of arrival at the home for the homeless, I was lost for words. It was two weeks after she had left me. There was an uneasy feeling in my gut and immediately I knew that the child was mine. It made me so sick in my stomach that I wanted to shout and scream at myself. How could this be happening to me now? She further went on to say that Amy was already not well and refused to seek help due she had neither money nor any other possession with her. No one has ever visited her or called. However, she (Amy) was always happy that she has a reason to look forward and the reason was the child she was carrying. She had often told the matron that she would give up her life for the child and glad that the people did not know about the child.  As Amy’s advance in her pregnancy, her illness takes toll on her health. Her health deteriorated after giving birth to a baby boy and by then it was too late for any medical treatment for her.

I sat there, with silent tears running down my cheeks. I was too engrossed in my own sorrow and taking revenge on the old man. If only I could have tried harder, I would have found her but the crafty old man always had his men on my back and reporting everything to him and pushing me to a corner. I do not know how long I sat alone in the nurses’ office. Deep in my own thoughts, I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder and the elderly matron introduced herself to me and said that Amy was looking for me. I quickly sprang from the chair and literally ran as fast as I can. Taking a few deep breaths, I walked into Amy’s room. The nurses has popped her up on the bed and upon seeing me, she smiled warmly at me.

Amy gestured me to sit next to her by patting on her bed. My heart was bleeding in pain and I took heavy steps toward Amy. I sat down quietly next to Amy and she grabbed hold of my hands. Looking deep into my eyes, Amy said, “Rohan… I do not have much time. I have lots to tell you but I have got no energy and I need to conserve the energy for our child. I gently held Amy’s face in my hands, shaking my head I put my index finger on Amy’s lip and lowered down my head and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. “Look Amy, I am getting you out of here. Do you know how miserable I have been without you and each night I am drunk in my own sorrow of loosing you?” “You and my child are coming back home with me. He is mine and there is no doubt about it. I am going to have both of you at my side, do you understand what I am saying, Amy?” “You are not going to die here alone.” With tears in my eyes, I hugged her very close to me. She was my lover, the other half, my world and the mother of my child. I would never leave her here to die alone.

With these words and with Amy’s consent, I went out to make arrangements for Amy to leave with me. Even though the matron and the nurses were against my idea, I was adamant enough to take Amy out. I made a few calls to my secretary and to make necessary arrangements for Amy and my child. I trusted Judy, my secretary for she was a hard nut crack who won’t reveal any secret about me to dad. I personally called Jacob my physician friend to be at my place at a specific time. With all the arrangement done, I went to collect Amy and my child. The nurses had packed whatever miserable things Amy had. In one box, I noticed lots of diaries, all hand written by Amy. The matron told me quietly in my ears that “those belongs to Amy and I was to read them after the death of Amy but she was glad in one way, that Amy and the baby was going back home with me. She further told me she regretted not pushing Amy for my number and asked for my apology.

I lifted Amy and gently put her in the rear seat of the car, followed by my child in a baby basket. After loading Amy’s things in the car, I thanked the matron and the nurses for looking after Amy. They in return told to me to go slow with Amy for time was precious to her. Nodding my head, I sat in the car, asked Amy if she was warm enough and started off engine. I told Amy to rest for I will wake her up when we reach our destinations. Listening to my advice, Amy was dosing off, with a protective arm around the baby basket. There were lots of questions that need answering. I was dying to know how Amy landed in the homeless home and what had transpired in her life. This is was not the time to ask these questions. My priority was Amy and my child. I became a father overnight. I was excited. My child, my own, a part of me and Amy.

I stopped a few times on the road to check on Amy and to help Amy to feed the little rascal. I didn’t know that when he is hungry, he brings the whole world down with his loudly crying. It was almost dark when I drove the car into the driveway. Judy was there, waiting for our arrival. She told me all the arrangements had been done and asked me to carry and settle Amy first while she will help with the little one. I could see Amy’s face. Though she was asleep, she was exhausted from the long drive. The big baby cot was in our room and Judy put the little one in the baby cot and started making formula milk as how Amy has instructed me.

I laid Amy in the middle of the bed. I could see Amy was in pain again for the analgesic effect was going off. I needed Jacob badly now. I saw Judy skilfully feeding my child. Being a grandmother herself, she was skilled and I couldn’t thank her enough. I called Jacob and he told me he was just outside my house, parking his car. I told Jacob to hurry and he laughed and told me I owed him for disturbing him on a Sunday. Jacob knew nothing about Amy. I just told Jacob to bring that analgesic medication with him. I quickly opened the door for Jacob, literally dragging him into the house and brought him into my room. Seeing Amy in the centre of the bed, I saw Jacob mouthed Amy’s name and looked at me. I shake my head and told Jacob, “Not now.” Just give her the analgesic first. Seeing the worried look on my face, Judy took the little one out and Jacob started preparing the medication for administration. Amy was writhing in pain now and I was so lost. I sat next to Amy, holding her hands and muttering words of comfort. Jacob immediately injected the analgesic medication into Amy’s abdominal area.

With that, Amy settled down within 15minutes and was fast asleep. Jacob signalled me to come out. I left the room quietly after Jacob and shut the door. There were questions in Jacob’s eyes. I could not speak or say anything. I just passed Amy’s medical history to Jacob, sat on the sofa and uttered the first words that came to my mind. “Jacob, I am loosing her soon. I found her today after one and a half year and she will be leaving me soon. That’s my child, Jacob and I don’t even know he existed until today.” With these words, I started crying, hiding my face in my hands. Jacob was so lost in reading Amy’s medical history. “Rohan, why didn’t she seek medical help earlier? Do you know it’s too late now? We can only manage her pain and her symptoms and soon we will be loosing her to death angel.” I just shake my head. Looking up at Jacob, I pleaded with him to help Amy and me. I pleaded with him to stay with us, to help me with Amy. Jacob had the look of surprised on his face and told me he needed more medical equipment and he could arrange for a private nurse for Amy and will visit her everyday.

I mind was in turmoil and not thinking right. By the time Jacob and Judy left, it was almost midnight. Jacob promised me to come in the morning with the medical equipment. I told Judy to bring all my pending work home and to rearrange all my schedules for meetings. I checked on Amy after Jacob and Judy had left. She was sound asleep. The little rascal was sound asleep too. It then hit me that I don’t even know my son’s name and if his birth was registered under my family name. I reminded myself to ask Amy the first thing in the morning. I sat on the big sofa next to Amy and the next thing I knew was I was sound asleep.

Noises from the toilet woke me up and I realised that it was Amy. I quickly rushed in to help her. She was sitting on the toilet bowl, trying to stand up but was unsuccessful. After giving Amy her personal care, I brought her back to bed. Amy gave me weak smile and pulled me and embraced me tightly. “Thank you Rohan and I am sorry love, you have to remember me like this in my last days.” She was crying and each word was said with lots of effort. I sat there, god knows how long, hugging her tightly. I told myself that the least I could do for Amy was give her love, care and bid her a gentle goodbye when her times come. After assuring Amy, I asked her what would she like to have breakfast?  Amy complained of not having any appetite and feeling tired. I coaxed her to have breakfast and made soft oats for her. While I was feeding Amy, the little one started crying loudly for his feed. I lifted him up gently and brought him laid him next to Amy and quickly make his formula milk.

Amy taught me how to feed him but I could see she was already exhausted. I assured her that I would learn from Judy on to feed and care for him. Holding the little one in my arms, I asked Amy what has she named him. Smiling at me, she told me “Ryan. His name is Ryan, Rohan and you need to register his birth.” I was lost for words and choked on my own saliva. It was mine middle name. I nodded my head and kissed Ryan on the forehead and introduced myself to him. The ringing of the doorbell caught my attention. I quickly went over to open the door and there was Jacob, struggling with all the medical equipment and behind him was a young lady, who introduced herself as the private nurse. Seeing Ryan in my arms, Jacob laughed and said loudly, “getting to know your son, Rohan?” I nodded my head and lead him and the nurse to my room.

After greeting Amy, Jacob and the nurse went about setting up the medical equipment and Jacob administer another dosage of analgesic to Amy, when she complain about her level of pain. After settling Amy, Jacob came to the kitchen to see me. He had a serious look on his face. “Rohan, Jacob said. “There will be times when she will be loosing her consciousness and her pain is going to be unbearable for her. While I administering her the analgesic, she was losing consciousness and was quite delirious and could not answer anything about Ryan. It’s a matter of weeks or months, Rohan and you got to prepare yourself. Are you ready for it, Rohan?” I looked at Jacob and quickly blinked my eyes, which were full of tears. “Jacob, I am not ready. Things are happening very fast for me. I want her to be comfortable and give her lots of love and care and assure her that Ryan is in good hands. I am not willing to let her go. It’s going to break my heart. I need to know what happened to her after she left our house. I don’t know anything but I am trying to go slow and take things one at a time. I am keeping my emotion in track and everything is bottled up here (I touched my right hand to my heart).”

Jacob was silent and looking intensely at me. “You need help, brother. You do.” With these words, Jacob came over and hugged me. After Jacob left, Judy came at 11am, bringing with her all my office work and told me that there were messages from my dad. She popped in to have a look at Ryan, who was playing with Rosa, the private nurse and gurgling with her.

I quickly settled in with my new responsibilities. I refused to take any calls from dad and avoided him as much as I can. Jacob and Judy were always at my place. Judy taught me how to care, feed Ryan and what I need to do with an infant. I made the necessary arrangement to register Ryan’s birth and requested Jacob to bring in the Pastor to marry Amy, with Jacob, Judy and Rosa as my witnesses. This brought tears to Amy and she kept apologising for leaving me and thanking me for giving her so much of love and care. I needed to get these things done for Amy health was slowly deteriorating. As times goes by, Amy could not recognise Rosa, Ryan or me.  She would go in and out of consciousness. Rosa was always there to help Amy and me and with Ryan as much as she can. One day, while I was sitting next to Amy, I started reading Amy’s handwritten diaries. I wanted to know what happened to her, why she left quietly without giving me any explanation and why she did not try to get in touch me when she knew she was expecting Ryan. All these questions needed an answer.

I picked her first dairy. All her dairies were dated accordingly and with detailed information. When I started reading, I was boiling with anger with dad and also at my stupidity. I could have stopped the events but I was too in love with Amy and gullible. Both of us were young. I was the rebellious son of a rich banker and Amy was fresh university student. I saw Amy at a convenience store and fall hard for her. I wanted Amy badly and pursuit her relentlessly until she agreed to be with me forever. I promise to marry her when time was right. Amy was a free spirit and happy with her family background. She laughed at every little silly thing I do for her and was quick to thank me and express her love for me. I envied her and told her many times that she is spoiling me for others. As I read on, I recognised the date dad had called me over for lunch. Amy also received a call from dad, a day earlier. She was reluctant to meet dad but dad had threatened to report her family to the police. I remembered Amy’s last words to me, “that dad was responsible for everything…”

Amy’s uncle was under debt and had approached dad for money. Dad being cunning and crafty man had used the opportunity to get rid of Amy from my life forever. He promised to clear Amy’s uncle’s debt by giving the loan shark the money but on the condition that Amy was to leave my house, without revealing anything. Another condition was for Amy to accompany dad to meet the loan shark and to hand in the money. Amy was also told to pack what was hers only and his secretary will drive her to a house which dad claimed that he had purchased for her. Amy agreed to dad’s condition due her family members were threatened both by the loan shark men and dad. As requested, Amy went with dad to hand in the money to the loan shark. Amy was not aware that dad’s men were taking pictures of her with the loan shark. After the transaction of the money, Amy was asked by dad to sign on a contract that said that she would have nothing to do with me (Rohan).

After signing the contract, dad snatched the contract from Amy and told her go home by her own. He further insulted and belittled and told her to be ready by 3pm for his secretary to pick her. Amy was shocked for she had no idea that her uncle was indebted and asked for dad’s help. She was totally ignorant and very confused by the events that took place. Amy was totally dazed. Before dad’s call, she had visited her doctor two months ago for she suspect she was expecting. The ultrasound revealed that she was pregnant but being petite it did not show her bulging abdominal. The ultrasound further revealed a tumour in her fallopian tube and further test were needed. The day dad called Amy, she had visited her doctor and the tumour was diagnosed as malignant.  Her doctor had advised her to abort the child and to start treatment immediately.

With too many things happening with dad and her family, Amy decided to go ahead with her pregnancy. Amy suspected she got pregnant, when I had sought solace in her arms after having quarrelled with dad one day. Amy did not tell me about her tumour for she was sure I would have insisted that she abort the baby and go for treatment. I remembered dad telling me Amy would be marrying the old man, who was in fact the loan shark. Dad knew that I would definitely questioned Amy and had his secretary to follow me. When Amy left our house with whatever little belongings she had, it was dad’s secretary who had picked her up.

He had driven her for three hours, not to a house, as dad claimed but to the run down home for the homeless. Upon reaching the destination, the secretary had followed dad’s ordered and checked Amy’s belongings, making sure there were no expensive stuff with her. He had her bank card, insurance card, medical card and her hand phone confiscated and told Amy that from now, she will be staying in the home for the homeless, as a nobody. He further told Amy that dad had made sure that Rohan would not be able to locate her (Amy). Amy was also informed that as far as her family was concerned, Amy had been sent overseas for further studies in order to fit in the rich society. With these he left Amy on the ground of the home.

Amy was so traumatised. She was cheated by dad and hurt to the extreme. She had no money on her and how was she going to make her way back to the city. While she was still in her deep thoughts, the door opened and a very elderly matron ushered her in and addressed her with a different name. Amy was Sheila, the spoiled and mentally unstable daughter of a dead businessman, who had nowhere to go. She told Amy that because of her, they had received a huge donation for the house. Amy was given a room right at the back of the house, away from any visitors and no visitors were allowed for her. While there, Amy was assigned a young nurse to assist her, who later became Amy’s confidant. The nurse looked after Amy during her illness and helped Amy to cope with the pregnancy. Amy became very reserved and refused to cry, only focusing on the life growing inside her. Seeing Amy very sick and reserved, the nurse started bringing books for Amy to read. Upon Amy’s request, she also brought in empty diaries so that Amy could write her story while she was in the home, so that her child would knew things about her. This further gave Amy the will to live on, so that her child would know her.

Even though the old matron was caring and loving towards Amy, she was always monitoring Amy’s movement in the house. Amy felt that she was reporting everything either to dad or to his secretary. Amy and the nurse had kept Amy’s pregnancy a secret form the old matron. The acting matron in charged knew about Amy’s condition but has kept numbed about it. As time went by, the old matron fall sick and was seldom seen in the house. By now, Amy was already showing sign of her pregnancy and her illness was slowly becoming worse. Amy told herself to keep going strong for her child’s sake for one day she may be able to get in touch me. When the old matron died, the acting matron became the head of the house. Even though she knew about Amy’s condition, she pretended not to know but she was always secretly asking the young nurse about Amy’s medical condition and pregnancy.

The matron felt so sorry for Amy but could do nothing about it. When the old matron died, the new matron had made arrangements for the doctors to visit Amy and to care for Amy. She also refused to update dad or his secretary anything about Amy. She told dad in a final mail that Amy was so sick and had even sent the doctor’s report to dad and told dad she would put a stop to this and to let the child die in peace. The matron however had kept Amy’s pregnancy a secret from dad too. With the doctor’s report, dad stopped asking about Amy and with it the money stopped coming in too. When Amy was in her final term, she begged the doctors and the young nurse to save her baby at all cost even if it meant losing her own life when giving birth.

This was all new to me and was terribly upsetting to me. I never thought that dad would go to that extreme to do horrible things to Amy. While reading Amy’s diaries, I kept looking at Amy every once a while. She looked very comfortable and free of pain. Her breathing was very shallow. I was afraid of her losing her now. I wanted to hug her, cry with her and take all her pain away. This was Amy, with whom I had fallen deeply in love with. She had always put the needs of others before hers. I was crying very hard into my pillow, afraid to wake her up. Dad knew everything about Amy but the snake had kept quiet and did not tell me anything about Amy’s condition. My emotions for Amy were overwhelming. I leaned over to kiss her forward and stoke her face gently with my fingers. She was my love, my lover, my friend, my world and now mother of my child. I could never erase her from my bruised heart. “How am I ever going to live without her, I asked myself?” I stared at Amy for a long time. Taking deep breaths and controlling my emotions, I continued to read her diaries.

When the little rascal was born, Amy was already on the verge of death. The doctors, the matron and the young nurse had kept vigilant eyes on Amy and her condition. Day and night, the young nurse was with Amy and when Amy regained her consciousness after four days, the young nurse begged Amy to give her the permission to call the baby’s father. She told Amy that Amy had been unconsciousness for the past four days and they could lose her anytime for the cancer cells had spread to her bones. The doctors had given Amy few months to live. Even on the verge of death, Amy was adamant not to say anything but only relented when the matron of the house told her that the home for the homeless was not a place for a child to grow up. She told Amy that if Ryan was really the loved and precious child of Amy’s lover, Amy should call the father now before it’s too late. The matron also threatened Amy that she would not send the child to an orphanage but she would inform the old man (my father) about the child after Amy’s death. With this threat on Amy’s head, Amy gave my number to the young nurse to call me.

Amy other diaries were all about the malicious pain she was going through and how much she was struggling each day. She expressed her regrets of not loving me more and pampering me. In each paragraphs, she never failed to reveal or expressed her deep love for me and for Ryan, who was a part of her. Amy wrote and stated that her regret would be not able to see Ryan grow into a young handsome man like his father. In another diary, she had written that she prayed, that I (Rohan) would be able to thoroughly look for her. She knew she was dying the day dad’s secretary left her in the home for the homeless. Amy words were like knives stabbing in my heart. Amy sacrificed her life for her family and for me. She was such a pure honest soul.

My heart was bleeding and aching with so much of pain. Dad has stabbed me in by back, by hiding Amy away from her family and me. He knew that she was dying yet the serpent was bent on playing his cruel game and forcing me into match making games of his. One part of me was glad that I rebelled at every moment and refused to do anything under his command. By the time I finished reading the last diary, Ryan crying for his feed and his cries echoed the room. Rosa quickly came in but I told her to rest and to leave Ryan and his feeding to me. To my surprise, Amy was sound asleep, not even stirring when Ryan’s crying got louder. Lifting Ryan in my arms, I laid him on the bed next to Amy, changed his nappy and lifted him again to prepare his feed. I quietly opened the door and went to the kitchen to prepare his feed.

After feeding him and ensuring his nappy was dried, I sat on the couch with Ryan sleeping in my arms. He looked contented and comfortable in my arms. I hugged him tightly. I was thinking if Amy had not relented to call me, I would never have known that I had a child with Amy. Deep in my heart, I was glad that the matron and the nurse had insisted and forced Amy to reveal my number. I was pleased with myself too for going to the homeless house.

A gentle touch on my head woke me up from my sleep. I realised that I was sleeping on the couch, with Ryan’s small body squeezed against me. It was Jacob. He lifted Ryan from the couch and passed him to Rosa. Jacob took my hand and pulled me up, saying that he needed to talk to me. Jacob took me out to the garden and offered to pour me a glass of orange juice. When I shake my head, he insisted that I have it. The next thing he revealed had me falling over my knees. “Rohan, Jacob said. Amy will be gone either today or anytime. She is now running a temperature and her breathing pattern has changed. She is unconscious now and a matter of time. Rohan, I am sorry.” With these words, Jacob went on his knees to hug me tightly.

I wanted to cry but there were no tears. I was too shaken and in denial. I was numbed to my toes. Jacob pulled me up again. Shaking me with all his strength, he told me to come to my senses. He told me now was the time for me to be next to Amy and wish her farewell. I was like a zombie. I was not prepared for Amy’s death. She was going to be taken away from too soon. It was happening to soon. Everything was moving too fast. Shaking me again, Jacob shouted at me. Jacob’s shouting and urgency in his words brought me back to my senses. Nodding my head, with tears finally running down my cheeks, Jacob led me to my room.

Rosa had sponged Amy and had put on a beautiful gown on Amy. Amy looked as if she was sleeping, with her eyes closed and so peaceful. I walked towards Amy, sat on the bed and lifted her into my arms, hugging her tightly. I sat with Amy’s head on my lap, wiping and sponging her face and hands to bring her fever down. I kept talking to Amy, asking for forgiveness and telling her how much I love her. Jacob, Rosa and Judy came to check on Amy and also to inform me that Ryan was doing well with his feed. I was still sitting on the bed with Amy in the lap when Jacob came in the second time to check on Amy. I laid Amy down on the bed. She was cool to touch. I looked at Jacob with an anxious face. Looking at me, he shake his head and mouthed the words, “Sorry, Rohan, she is gone.”

I screamed on the top of my voice, with my bruised heart shattering into pieces. Hugging Amy once again, I cried for her, for myself and for Ryan. I thanked Amy over and over again for giving me so much love and happiness. I begged for her forgiveness and promised her that I would protect and look after Ryan with my life and would never allow dad near him at all.

Amy’s wake was a very solemn and a quiet affair. Jacob managed to get in touch with Amy’s family and they came over to say their final good bye to daughter. Amy’s uncle was so regretful and kept apologising to Amy. Judy informed Amy’s parents about Ryan. Being overly protective of Ryan, I refused to let anyone carry Ryan. He was either with Jacob, Rosa, Judy or me. Somehow dad showed up in the house when Jacob and myself were arranging the funeral. I shouted at dad and pushed him out of my house, telling him that he was not welcome and to remove his sorry self from my house and slammed the door on his face. Dad was too shocked at my reaction and started shouting that he would take my name out from his will. I could care less about dad’s threat and verbally told him to go to hell.

It was raining heavily on Amy’s funeral day. My drunken and bruised heart could not longer hold the guilt in me. I cried and cried, telling Amy that no matter what happen, I would not be able to erase her from my heart. No matter how much I want to erase my memories, I would not be able to do so. She was and is deeply engraved in my heart and no one would be able to take her place in my heart. Hugging Ryan to my heart, I deeply thanked Amy for her unexpected precious gift she left behind for me.

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