Dark gloomy clouds were gathering high up in the blue sky, performing beautiful patterns in their own way. Deep down in my heart, I was crying, just simply shattered. Oh! Dear God. Why ever did I fall in love with him? I never expected my first love to turn out to be unsuccessful. If ever I had known that, I would never have given my heart away…Never.

I can’t stop my tears from rolling down my cheeks. The question of should I or should I not attend his wedding kept ringing in my head. My love for his was just like the bottomless sea, so deep and like the endless sky. I was brought to my senses by the stormy gust of the wind and the cries of the seagulls, which sent a cold chill down my spine. Hugging myself, I walked along the shore of the beautiful rough choppy sea, with my thoughts far away, beyond the horizon.

Never did the thought occur to me that I would loose him. Never. I could still remember vividly my very first meeting with him. Oh! How beautiful it was.

A party…there he was. The moment I laid my eyes on him, my heart was already given to him. I tried to pretend that he did not exist but in vain but I was looking at him with the corner of my eyes. Deep down I was dying and yearning to know him. My dying wish to know him finally came true. My cousin finally introduced him to me.

He was just a jovial and a beautiful person in his own ways. From that day, I start my romance and enjoyed his company very much. Well. We grew close to each other in the months that came. I dare not disclose my deep feelings towards him. I started playing my cards tactfully but alas, not knowing that I would lose him soon to another person. A person who was dear to my heart and who also knew my deep feelings for him. Oh God! What a betrayal in friendship.

I don’t know where I have gone wrong. I was obliging and giving in to him and we get along pretty well. If only I could have revealed my feelings to him earlier. News of my heartache came soon to my ears. At first, I could believe that it. The same person, my dear friend was seeing him behind my back despite knowing my feelings and love for him.

My happiness came crumbling down when I received the wedding card. I cried my heart out day and night and refused to talk to anyone. I was on the verge of collapsing. The betrayal of friendship was like a sharp knife continuously stabbing me in my back. The trust was destroyed, lost and could never ever be built again… not by anyone.

I was totally hopeless. She was my childhood friend and I have no guts to confront her. I wished I could kill her with my bare hands but I could not. It was simply evil on my part. I was so blinded by my love for him. If he was interested in someone else, why did he give me false hope? Oh! Everything about his seems false to me now.

Cold tears, together with the storm-tossed sea shook me to reality. It was raining. The sky somehow resonates my deep feelings of sorrowfulness. My blouse was glued to my body like a second skin but I did not care. God was also sharing my pathetic one-sided love and betrayal of friendship.

God knows how long I have been sitting on the big rock, crying and pouring my sorrow to the vast emerald green-blue sea and washing my turmoil mind in the heavy rain.

I think it breaks my heart to say this, but I will never go to his and her wedding. And I would never ever trust myself to anyone else, a promise that I made to myself.

Getting up, I walked in the cold rain and pray to God that may he grant me the courage and wisdom; never to make a fool of myself again and be weary of the word “men”, “best friends” and “friendship”.

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