I walked doggedly along the serene shore, aware of the waves washing away the fine sand. In my heart, there was great pain but I could do was to control it. I looked at the sea. It was so peaceful and calm. I wished I were the foam of the waves just like the Little Mermaid from Hans Christian Andersen, who suffered from unrequited love and was transformed into soapy foam. I walked slowly around and found a solitary peaceful place, where I could be all alone with the sea and its waves

It started long ago. We were a happy family, dad, mom and myself. Dad was forever showering us with beautiful things and there was abundant of love. Never did I think that my this beautiful happy family would one day break up and dad would go away, leaving us all behind to fend ourselves.

I was not aware of these things at first and was too young to understand anything. Dad started drinking heavily and coming back home late in the night. He would abuse mom, who would keep quiet and who would not even dare raise her voice against him. There were times, when I was awoken by the crying sound of my mother and I would often hide behind the door to hear what dad and mom got to say to each other. It was always dad who did the talking and mom would be pleading and begging him to stop his drinking habit in her usual quiet voice.

The unfaithful day arrived. Dad and mom went out for a Christmas party, which was held by dad’s company. Mom very reluctant to go at first and after much disagreement with dad, mom gave in and went along with dad. Dad got so drunk while at the party and mom refused to sit with him in the car. Mom has no choice as dad started shouting at her in public. While on their way home, they met with an accident. Dad escaped unhurt with few bruises here and there but my poor mom was bleeding very badly. My uncle came over to my place and relates what has happened and rushed me to the hospital. I saw dad sitting there, crying his heart out. I did not have any gut to ask him anything so I just sat next to him, praying deeply down in my heart that my mom would be all right.

When the operating theatre door finally opened, all the doctors could say was he did his best and broke the news to dad that mom would have paralysis on the left side. My heart went out to my poor mom. God must have His blessing on mom. She was strong and very adamant to get well and came back home after a few months in the hospital and in the rehab.

This was the crucial time that mom needed dad but my world came shattering down. Dad left us. He just walked out one day and did not return. Mom and I waited for him to return but in vain. I was schooling, doing my final year at high school. There was bills and rental of the house to be paid. I was willing to quit schooling but mom refused to listen to me. Mom was very strong and did not give up. She told me she was very strong and would stand by me to look after me and would take the responsibilities of the house.

A few weeks later, mom got a job with the help of a friend but one job was not enough. I started giving tuition in secrecy to some students around my area. Mom was my pillar of strength and hope. She would never let me cry and would often say that the sun rises and set with me. I was her whole world to her. Somehow, mom started another job with the help of her manager. I never saw her shedding any tears. She was forever happy and smiling. Even though she was happily doing things, there was a far away look and deep sorrow in her eyes. Deep down I know that she was waiting for dad to return.

My love for my dad turned to hatred. I could never understand why did he leave? Dad family shun us out. Many times, I wished I had the answer to all my questions. One day when I returned from school, I saw my mom lying on the bed. She was coughing very badly. At that moment I was so hopeless and could think of nothing to ease mom’s pain and her coughing. I called the family doctor, who came after very much persuasion. All he could say that Mom was very weak, as she has contracted a kind of cold virus.

I stopped schooling immediately to look after mom. Day and night I would sit by mom’s bedside, talking to her, bathing her and doing my utmost best to be near her whenever she needed me. Whenever mom was asleep, I would shed silent tears. Is this what I was fated to see? Was this my fate? Would mom leave me too?

One morning, while I was feeding breakfast to mom, mom talked to me, telling me that I should not cry if anything was to happen to her and she made me promise that I would accept my dad back if he was to ever return home. My mom health took the worst turn. She deteriorated so fast and died in her sleep. I don’t know what death was. I tried to wake her up in all means but no; she was no longer there for me. My heart was broken into thousands of pieces. There was no one else for me. My mom…Oh! My beautiful mom, my pillar of strength was taken away from me. I could not face reality. I was going mad….

On a funeral day, when everything was over, I saw a lone figure standing by the tree. I could not believe my eyes. It was my dad. He was crying. He was not the same dad whom I used to remember. He was much thinner and darker. Standing at mom’s grave, I could do nothing. Suddenly dad was there, on his knees, crying and begging for forgiveness. I turned my face away. Deep down in my heart, I knew mom would forgive dad but as for me, it was simply too late.

I could not accept dad, living with me again. It was as if two total strangers living under a roof. Months have passed and my wounds were not healing for I was not allowing them to heal. I simply cannot bring myself to talk to dad as if nothing has happened.

I was brought back to my senses by the light rain hitting on my face, blending with my salty tears and by the cries of the seagulls. Shaking my head and squaring my shoulders, I looked at my surrounding. It was time to go home. I know it was too late for dad to beg for my forgiveness. Maybe as months or even years goes by, I would accept dad’s living with me, just as I promised mom but as for accepting his forgiveness….it’s too late…very late.

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